The Real Housewives of New York City Weekly Recap: Season 4, Episode 2 "March Madness"
By: Helen Cooper, OJ&B Contributing Writer And we're back! After last week's drama-filled return to the lives of Manhattan (an...
By: Helen Cooper, OJ&B Contributing Writer
And we're back! After last week's drama-filled return to the lives of Manhattan (and Brooklyn)'s most dysfunctional group of lady friends, we're back and ready for even more fighting over nothing! This episode follows the events surrounding (and including) the much-hyped Marriage Equality March. It looks like all a lot of the Real Housewives are involved. Alex, as we've heard 18,000 times, is on the Steering Committee. Jill is on the "Honorary Committee," which is kind of like when celebs get degrees from real colleges: none of the work, all of the applause. And, as we learned in last night's episode, Sonja has been asked to be the Grand Marshall. And because of this huge honor that has been bestowed upon her, Sonja decides to invite all of the ladies over to get ready and borrow some wedding dresses, donated from White Wedding Bridal Affairs in Poughkipsie, NY, dial 1-888-976-CAKE to get in contact with a representative. Seriously. They gave the ladies free dresses and they expect some reciprocal business in exchange.
Very attentive for this important hairspray conversation.
Product placement aside, I totally get inviting your friends over to get ready before a big night out. Just the other week, Jonny V. and I were getting ready to hit up the Tiki Bar so I invited him over to my place to listen to some Britney and help me accessorize. As it turns out, not every let's-get-dressed-up get-together is quite as peaceful. Sonja is fretting over everything. Her hair.(Kelly does it for her--you're a Morgan. Call in a stylist.) Her dress. (At first her boobies can't fit into a pretty blah strapless number, but by the time she walks out the door, she's changed into a white, one-shouldered column dress that has a beautiful deco diamond brooch at the waist and a mermaid flare at the bottom. She looks fabulous.) But most of all, she's stressed about her speech. She is the Grand Marshall, after all. This is her day. It's about her. It was so nice of everyone to come out and support her, Gay Icon of 2011.
This day is about marriage equality. And me.
Let's discuss this instead of listening to the speakers.
Satin: highlighting pancake boobs the world over.
There are so many people there! That's great! And it's getting so much primetime airtime! That's great! Aaaaaaand, then there's more drama. Apparently, when the High Decree of the Gays was passed down to Queen Sonja and she was asked to be Grand Marshall, she replied with a staunch, "I will grace you with my presence, but it shall be known that the only Housewife who shall be allowed to speak will be myself, Queen Sonja." And so it was done. Now, I don't know if this was some kind of last minute Grand Marshalling (perhaps all of the city's other Gay Icons suddenly fell ill just before the March and couldn't attend--I suspect Liza Minelli of trying to take out the competition ) but at the last minute, Simon is told that he's not allowed to speak at the podium of justice, by degree of her Royal Grand Marshallness.
We wanna talk tooooooooo!!!
Jill, as Leather Daddy.
I want a tour of Simon's closet. (I didn't even mean that as a double entendre and it was!)
Do you think your girlfriend knows we look exactly the same?
On to a fashion fete! There's a charity event in town because Guccio Gucci (of Gucci fame) is in town. Ramona's purchased an entire table and she's invited Alex and Sonja. Alex talks some nonsense to Ramona. Sonja talks some nonsense to Ramona. Once again, Kelly is the only one making any sense! "Ramona didn't invite me to the Gucci event, but Mr. Gucci did." Kelly on why she and Ramona just don't click: "She's so much older than I am. She's, like, eight years older than me!" Awesome.
Can you believe Helen's Team Kelly?
Doesn't look a day over 85.
The finished product? Not much better. Somehow her leg just looks... wrong? Maybe I was right all along. Maybe he really was a house painter. Ramona was not a fan.
Degas, he is not. Ramona was clearly not a fan.
There's about to be a girl fight!
To say that Alex didn't take this well would be an understatement. If there's a "right" person in this scuffle, it's Alex. She'd been planning the event, was scheduled to speak (with Simon as her mouthpiece) and was even on the freaking invitation. She deserved to get to say her piece and she deserved to let it be known that Sonja turned what should have been an event about equal rights into an event about herself. But Alex, you could have done that in confessionals. You could have done that in another scene. Heck, if you were a smart person, you would have done it with everyone BUT Sonja in the room, included a nice visual of the invitation with your name as speaker on it, and made her look bad -- if you really needed the world to know how awful Sonja was acting. This party? This party was not the place.
Of course I just walked into this.
Classy tip from The Countess LuAnn de Lesseps: I would have kicked her out just for the dress.
Turtle Time: 1
Sonja Being Fabulous: 4
Turtle Time: 1
Sonja Being Fabulous: 4